She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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