They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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