Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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