I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
