I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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