Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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