you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
