4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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