And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
