I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
