I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
