Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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