Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
