I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
