I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
