forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
