Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
