Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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