he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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