Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
