Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
