well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the condom got lost in my hair
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
