I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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