I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
