I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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