Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
