i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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