Acid is not a monday night drug
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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