Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
