god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
