I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
