Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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