i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she told me i tasted like america
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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