when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
