remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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