You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
