I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
