I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
