Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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