What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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