did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
