I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
