before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
