you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
