Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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