This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.