thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.