My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!