Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
