i don't like sucking hair
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize