Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
