Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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