if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
