if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
