I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
