can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
