So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
