I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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