he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
