so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
