just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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