i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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