We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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