I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
