He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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