WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
