we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
