When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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