Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
