i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
