I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
