So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
