...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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