I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
