thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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