the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
