We're facebook friends in real life
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
