Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
