May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
